DFAIT Etiquette Course -- Day 1

(Thanks to Jim Elliott for passing this on. I hope he gets the rest of the course soon.)

DAY 1 FOREIGN AFFAIRS

DRESS AND DEPORTMENT

Remove the lampshade before entering the dining hall, as there will be no place for it at the table. Spats should always be buckles out, with tabs to the back, and be sure to adjust your loincloth before you sit, so as not to soil the chairs with sweat.

CONVERSATAION

While waiting for service to begin, commentary on decor is allowed, but should be kept to a minimum with consideration given the cultural sensitivities of your host and the current political climate between Canada and your host. Comparing the draperies to Muhammar Qudhaffi's wardrobe and reminding your host "Look how well the worked out for him! " and making the finger pistol to your head is probably not going to win points, unless you have been directed to do so by the PMO.

Exclamations of delight at excellent plating design should be kept short with no use of the word "fucking", and as always, if it is not in the Oxford Concise it is NOT a word.

Avoid colloquial speech of the region. While you may feel you have mastered some local usages of otherwise casual seeming speech, you may accidentally offend your host, or someone in his or her entourage. The same usage that triggers an indulgent guffaw from British Royalty may get you shot at a Republican Primary. Remember, in most of the world outside the United Kingdom and it's former colonies, these people are ARMED generally.

CONDUCT

Should your host serve something with a face or part of a face, smacking it with a candelabra while grunting alarm and shrieking is not appropriate, unless your host does it first, then by all means, continue.

Gun play is strictly forbidden, unless your host does it first.

Humping the wait staff's leg? Unless your host does it first do not.