Brian Northgrave and Terry Colfer last month, somewhere near Montivideo.
Sunday, December 16, 2007
Saturday, December 15, 2007
Terry Fox Run - HCM City
Consul General, Bill Johnston, giving his thanks and wrap-up speech, with the help of his keyboard, to an audience of about 7000 at the end of the Terry Fox Run in HCM (Saigon).
Sunday, December 9, 2007
Paul Whelan: RIP
Amigos who knew Paul Whelan will be saddened by news of his recent passing. An obituary is in the Star.
Thursday, December 6, 2007
How to Survive the Civil Service
This is taken from comments in The Star by David Martin. Thanks to WWJ for pointing it out.
July 16, 2007
As a 57-year-old public servant, I feel that I owe it to the next generation to educate them in the ways of the federal government. In order to make the transition as painless as possible, I want to pass on my accumulated wisdom in the hope that new public servants can avoid many of the bureaucratic pitfalls.
First, don't drink the Kool-Aid. Remember that everyone from the deputy minister on down has to preach the gospel of "client service,"
"world-class organization" and "employer of choice." You can sing from the same hymn book, but don't make the mistake of actually believing what is preached.
Second, always say "yes." The key to success in the government is to be a team player. Those who turn down an assignment or refuse a request, even for a good reason, are viewed as negative malcontents.
The trick is to defer any and all tasks until they are absolutely unavoidable. In the meantime, most will simply fall away due to a change in plans, senior management or the government of the day.
Third, wait for the inevitable. The current government may be committed to changing the bureaucratic "culture," the deputy minister may be looking to shake up your organization or your supervisor may be a wild-eyed refugee from the private sector looking to make his mark at your expense.
But if there's one constant in the public service, it's that the bureaucracy doesn't change; only the faces do. Much as you hate the current situation, before you know it the government has been voted out, the deputy minister has been transferred to another department or your supervisor has been promoted beyond his level of incompetence.
Fourth, don't forget the five-year rule. For those new to government, it's tempting to believe senior management when they announce a new, dynamic employment initiative that will revolutionize the workplace. For the uninitiated, much effort can be wasted buying into and contributing to such programs. But any public servant who has been in government for 10 years or more knows such grand schemes appear in five-year cycles and disappear a year or two later.
The way to survive such quinquennial exercises is, as always, to say "yes." But don't spend any time on these bureaucratic white elephants.
Just smile and wait for their inevitable demise.
Fifth, do not exercise any of your rights. The bureaucracy is replete with employee "rights," everything from upward feedback to reclassification to a formal grievance. But those measures are not designed to be used; they're just progressive window dressing for the employer.
Those naive enough to exercise their "rights" will soon regret it as they are isolated and labelled troublemakers. So if you ask management or human resources about pursuing a particular remedy and someone replies, "It's your right," that's the time to back off and reaffirm your commitment to the team.
And finally, the most important lesson you can learn is that the best way to work in the government is not to work for the government at all; be a consultant. As a consultant, you'll get twice the pay, half the headaches and, by the time anyone realizes your work is useless, you've moved on to the next project and an even higher "per diem" rate.
Remember, whatever career you choose in government, there's no life like it. After all, where else can you drink coffee all day long and pretend that "policy analyst" or "associate program assistant" is a real job?
Welcome aboard and enjoy the ride.
David Martin lives in Ottawa and is the author of My Friend W (Arriviste Press).
Monday, December 3, 2007
Newsletter: December, 2007
There is not much to report, you might be relieved to hear, but I thought this was at least an excuse to call for the last chance to meet in 2007. So, how about this:
What: Pub Night
Where: New Edinburgh Pub, Beechwood and Crichton.
When: 8 PM, Wednesday, December 12, 2007
How: As you are, costume, uniform or national dress optional
Please note that this is a Wednesday rather than the usual Thursday.
This is important too (and the reason for the change).
The FSCA Holiday Gala Dinner will take place on December 13 at NAC. See separate posting, here. Contact: sasha.mackenzie@international.gc.ca for reservations.
Wondering what colleagues are up to? Wonder no more about Jim Graham and Marc-André Brault. This is in SK. Notice that unlike many hunters they are NOT wearing camoflage AND an orange vest.
And, you thought we sent our man to run the Consulate General in Ho Chi Minh City and to write memos back to us? Well, maybe he does that too but he also engages in his true calling.
It's Bill "Mr. Whitekeys" Johnston. He's in a pretty good band. See their web site. Follow the Photos link.
Ever wonder how China gets all that stuff to us? Here's how.
The world's biggest ship, the Emma Maersk. Carries 15,000 containers; 207' beam; crew of 13.
Finally, on a diplomatic note, a photo of the new US Embassy in Baghdad. Cost: about US$ 1 billion. The Gigabunker.
As you may have noticed, this is a new vehicle for our Newsletters. We'll see how it goes. You can make comments.
Still available is the main Amigos humour site, here. Keith Munro is doing a sterling job of keeping the gags flowing. You can too.
See you at the pub.
Where: New Edinburgh Pub, Beechwood and Crichton.
When: 8 PM, Wednesday, December 12, 2007
How: As you are, costume, uniform or national dress optional
Please note that this is a Wednesday rather than the usual Thursday.
This is important too (and the reason for the change).
The FSCA Holiday Gala Dinner will take place on December 13 at NAC. See separate posting, here. Contact: sasha.mackenzie@international.gc.ca for reservations.
Wondering what colleagues are up to? Wonder no more about Jim Graham and Marc-André Brault. This is in SK. Notice that unlike many hunters they are NOT wearing camoflage AND an orange vest.
And, you thought we sent our man to run the Consulate General in Ho Chi Minh City and to write memos back to us? Well, maybe he does that too but he also engages in his true calling.
It's Bill "Mr. Whitekeys" Johnston. He's in a pretty good band. See their web site. Follow the Photos link.
Ever wonder how China gets all that stuff to us? Here's how.
The world's biggest ship, the Emma Maersk. Carries 15,000 containers; 207' beam; crew of 13.
Finally, on a diplomatic note, a photo of the new US Embassy in Baghdad. Cost: about US$ 1 billion. The Gigabunker.
As you may have noticed, this is a new vehicle for our Newsletters. We'll see how it goes. You can make comments.
Still available is the main Amigos humour site, here. Keith Munro is doing a sterling job of keeping the gags flowing. You can too.
See you at the pub.
FSCA Holiday Gala 2007/ Gala de Noel 2007 de L'ACSE
YOU are invited to the
FSCA Holiday Gala 2007
in the Panorama Room
of the National Arts Center
Our Guest of Honour is the renowned Ms. Nathalie Choquette :
"A unique soprano voice, where humor and opera join in a magnificent way".
The evening will commence at 6:00 p.m. with a complimentary holiday punch (cash bar available),
with seating for dinner at 7:00 p.m.
Ms. Choquette will then address the room
in the engaging manner she is famous for.
Raffle tickets for prizes donated by our sponsors will be sold throughout the evening, with all proceeds going to a designated Charity.
Please be generous with your purchases!
Following the Raffle Draw, the evening continues with music and dancing, fun and festivity. Come prepared to enjoy this truly gala evening!
$58 for FSCA members; $68 for non-members
Tickets are being sold through the FSCA office. Book your tickets, or table, and join us for an evening you don’t want to miss.
RSVP to Sasha Mackenzie via e-mail at sasha.mackenzie@international
A choice of Alberta roast beef sirloin, or Oven baked Canadian Salmon—to be confirmed upon ticket order. Guests are also invited to bring a new or gently used book that will be donated to the OttawaReads Program.
______________________________
Vous êtes invités au
Jeudi 13 décembre 2007
Salle Panorama
Au Centre national des arts
Avec comme invitée d’honneur la célèbre madame Nathalie Choquette :
"Une soprano à la voix unique, qui réussit à mêler l’humour et l’opéra de façon fluide".
Cette soirée de fête débutera à 18h00 par un punch des fêtes servi gratuitement (un service de bar à vos frais sera disponible), suivie à 19h00 par un dîner. Madame Choquette s’adressera par la suite aux invités dans un style sympathique qui a fait sa réputation.
Des billets pour le tirage de prix de présence gracieusement offerts par nos commanditaires seront vendus tout au long de la soirée. L’ensemble des profits sera versé à une oeuvre de charité. Nous vous encourageons à être généreux dans vos achats!
Après le tirage des prix de présence, la soirée se poursuivra par de la musique et de la danse dans une ambiance festive. Préparez-vous à vivre une véritable soirée de gala.
$58 pour les membres de l’ACSE; $68 pour les non-membres
Les billets sont en vente au bureau de l’ACSE. Réservez votre billet et votre table, et joignez-vous à nous pour une soirée à ne pas manquer.
Un choix de faux-filet de boeuf de l’Alberta ou de saumon canadien cuit au four vous sera offert et devra être confirmé lors de votre réservation de billets. Nous encourageons également nos invités à faire don d’un livre usagé en bon état qui sera remis au programme LectureOttawa.
Sunday, December 2, 2007
Newsletter - September, 2007
Tax Planning
Amigos who showed up at our recent pub night, though wonderful at remembering past glories, are not always as reliable at recalling new changes in tax rules. I refer to the provisions for income splitting, introduced in the recent budget. The CRA explains all here. Amigos might find that they qualify to save a lot.
Pub Night, September 6
There was a good turnout and we were again able to commandeer the end section of the bar. Far less beer was spilled than on the previous occasion, John Kneale will be relieved to learn.
Check up on your health care provider. See how others rate him/her here.
Hemochromatosis – an advisory from Jim Graham
For all of you over 50 who thought that your drinking might cause cirrhosis, guess again! Seriously, I have just discovered that I may have something called "HEMOCHROMATOSIS", that can apparently lead to a number of internal problems. You may wish to read this website.
As you will see, this can be brought under control in its earlier stages by a good old medieval technique..... blood letting or technically a phlebotomy. When my doctor told me that I would have to have one, I naturally assumed he was referring to a lobotomy, which I thought, while beneficial to those around me, was a bit over the top.
The Mayo Clinic site above is a long read, but, I believe, well worth your time. Whether here or elsewhere in my recent research, I noted that the hereditary gene is most common in those of Irish and Scots ancestry first and English second, but not restricted to those groups.
David and Donna Ryan have started a blog for their home construction project in Charleston. Check it out here.
Don Caldwell is still in San Miguel and still reporting on his blog.
Brian Northgrave invites you to visit and even contribute to his wonderful site, JustOttawa.
Diversions
Tom Rush – the Remember Song
A message of peace. But is that Jim Elliott?
We all need one of these.
Straight talk
YMCA, performed like you have never seen it done.
New Car for Women.
Quiz: Did Hitler ever set foot on Canadian soil?
Answer: Yes. Here he is at Vimy Ridge.
Why men don't write advice columns
Dear Walter:
I hope you can help me here. The other day I set off for work , leaving my husband in the house watching the TV, as usual. I hadn't gone more than a few hundred yards down the road when my engine conked out and the car shuddered to a halt. I walked back home to get my husband's help. When I got home I couldn't believe my eyes. He was parading in front of the wardrobe mirror dressed in my underwear and high-heel shoes, and he was wearing my make up!
I am 32, my husband is 34 and we have been married for twelve years. When I confronted him, he tried to make out that he had dressed in my lingerie because he couldn't find his own underwear. But when I asked him about the make up, he broke down and admitted that he'd been wearing my clothes for six months. I told him to stop or I would leave him.
He was let go from his job six months ago and he says he has been feeling increasingly depressed and worthless. I love him very much, but ever since I gave him the ultimatum he has become increasingly distant. I don't feel I can get through to him anymore. Can you please help?
Sincerely, Mrs. Sheila Lusk
Dear Sheila:
A car stalling after being driven a short distance can be caused by a variety of faults with the engine. Start by checking that there is no debris in the fuel line. If it is clear, check the jubilee clips holding the vacuum pipes onto the inlet manifold. If none of these approaches solves the problem, it could be that the fuel pump itself is faulty, causing low delivery pressure to the carburetor float chamber. I hope this helps.
Walter
Politically correct
Three-minute History Lesson (from Bob Merner in Japan, with help from Billy Joel).
Click here.
An Ontario election is imminent.
Best Card Trick (Video) – click here.
The Sportsman's Double
I ended up with an older woman at a club last night. She looked okay for a 57-year-old. We drank a bit, and had a bit of a snuggle and she asked if I'd ever had a Sportsman's Double.
"What's that?" I asked.
"It a mother and daughter threesome," she said.
I said, "No."
We drank a bit more, then she says that tonight was my lucky night.
I went back to her place.
She put on the hall light and shouted upstairs: "Mum, you still awake?".
---
Finally, a test of your workplace safety acumen.
Amigos who showed up at our recent pub night, though wonderful at remembering past glories, are not always as reliable at recalling new changes in tax rules. I refer to the provisions for income splitting, introduced in the recent budget. The CRA explains all here. Amigos might find that they qualify to save a lot.
Pub Night, September 6
There was a good turnout and we were again able to commandeer the end section of the bar. Far less beer was spilled than on the previous occasion, John Kneale will be relieved to learn.
Check up on your health care provider. See how others rate him/her here.
Hemochromatosis – an advisory from Jim Graham
For all of you over 50 who thought that your drinking might cause cirrhosis, guess again! Seriously, I have just discovered that I may have something called "HEMOCHROMATOSIS", that can apparently lead to a number of internal problems. You may wish to read this website.
As you will see, this can be brought under control in its earlier stages by a good old medieval technique..... blood letting or technically a phlebotomy. When my doctor told me that I would have to have one, I naturally assumed he was referring to a lobotomy, which I thought, while beneficial to those around me, was a bit over the top.
The Mayo Clinic site above is a long read, but, I believe, well worth your time. Whether here or elsewhere in my recent research, I noted that the hereditary gene is most common in those of Irish and Scots ancestry first and English second, but not restricted to those groups.
David and Donna Ryan have started a blog for their home construction project in Charleston. Check it out here.
Don Caldwell is still in San Miguel and still reporting on his blog.
Brian Northgrave invites you to visit and even contribute to his wonderful site, JustOttawa.
Diversions
Tom Rush – the Remember Song
A message of peace. But is that Jim Elliott?
We all need one of these.
Straight talk
YMCA, performed like you have never seen it done.
New Car for Women.
Quiz: Did Hitler ever set foot on Canadian soil?
Answer: Yes. Here he is at Vimy Ridge.
Why men don't write advice columns
Dear Walter:
I hope you can help me here. The other day I set off for work , leaving my husband in the house watching the TV, as usual. I hadn't gone more than a few hundred yards down the road when my engine conked out and the car shuddered to a halt. I walked back home to get my husband's help. When I got home I couldn't believe my eyes. He was parading in front of the wardrobe mirror dressed in my underwear and high-heel shoes, and he was wearing my make up!
I am 32, my husband is 34 and we have been married for twelve years. When I confronted him, he tried to make out that he had dressed in my lingerie because he couldn't find his own underwear. But when I asked him about the make up, he broke down and admitted that he'd been wearing my clothes for six months. I told him to stop or I would leave him.
He was let go from his job six months ago and he says he has been feeling increasingly depressed and worthless. I love him very much, but ever since I gave him the ultimatum he has become increasingly distant. I don't feel I can get through to him anymore. Can you please help?
Sincerely, Mrs. Sheila Lusk
Dear Sheila:
A car stalling after being driven a short distance can be caused by a variety of faults with the engine. Start by checking that there is no debris in the fuel line. If it is clear, check the jubilee clips holding the vacuum pipes onto the inlet manifold. If none of these approaches solves the problem, it could be that the fuel pump itself is faulty, causing low delivery pressure to the carburetor float chamber. I hope this helps.
Walter
Politically correct
Three-minute History Lesson (from Bob Merner in Japan, with help from Billy Joel).
Click here.
An Ontario election is imminent.
Best Card Trick (Video) – click here.
The Sportsman's Double
I ended up with an older woman at a club last night. She looked okay for a 57-year-old. We drank a bit, and had a bit of a snuggle and she asked if I'd ever had a Sportsman's Double.
"What's that?" I asked.
"It a mother and daughter threesome," she said.
I said, "No."
We drank a bit more, then she says that tonight was my lucky night.
I went back to her place.
She put on the hall light and shouted upstairs: "Mum, you still awake?".
---
Finally, a test of your workplace safety acumen.
TC Invitational Golf Tournament
TC Invitational 2007
Loire Valley, France
This year, 13 golfers and 11 spouses went to the Loire Valley for a week of great golf, relaxed sightseeing and fine dining. Most participants gathered on Wednesday September 19, 2007 in Paris at the Great Canadian Pub, which is owned by Mark Berry, the son of Mike Berry. It is located on the Left Bank quite near to Notre Dame. From there, fortified with a case of genuine Moose Head Lager, we headed off by limousine bus for the Loire Valley. John Bell and Stu McDowall were not able to join us from the outset, as they had to attend to a summons from the President of the Ivory Coast to receive the Sacred Order of the Rampaging White Elephant for service to the Republic. Stu and John are Honorary Consuls for the Ivory Coast in Calgary and Vancouver respectively. This meant that Stu was not in a position to defend his title as last year’s winner of the Vancouver Island round.
The first two days we stayed at France’s most famous and most difficult course, Les Bordes. Situated in the pine forest south of the city of Orleans, it is 18 holes of sheer terror with a slope of 155. Water everywhere to instill fear in golfers of every skill level. Even before we started, the constant refrain was “I just hope I have enough balls to see me through these two rounds”. However, with a bit of course management the opening round did not prove all that difficult. Art Perron shot a scintillating 84 the first day even though he was recovering from a cold and jet lag. In doing so he took the early lead in the fight for Mike’s Mug and was the early odds-on favourite to carry the trophy back to Ottawa. The weather was spectacularly fine, the course truly magnificent, and the greens lightning fast.
The spouses spent the day touring Orleans, the home of Jean d'Arc, and visited nearby Chateaux. The accommodation at Les Bordes was individual cabins set among the trees. The nights were dark and the air crisp so everyone got a good night’s sleep until a herd of deer wandered through the grounds rooting and bellowing as the bucks challenged each other. Everyone thought it was only Bill Clarke snoring. That night we had a wonderful meal in the club house where we relaxed and unwound over some fine French wines and apocryphal stories.
The second round was also played at Les Bordes under clear skies. Far fewer balls were lost during this round and the scores on the whole improved over the previous day. Leaping to the top of the leader board was Tom Tait with a fine round of net 73. Obviously the lessons he had taken were paying dividends. He was closely pursued by Art Perron and Roger Blake. After golf, we boarded the bus for a tour of Chambord Castle, built by Francois I as a hunting lodge, which, after completion, he only used a total of 73 days.
Our next hotel was the Chateau Sept Tours which is set in the middle of a golf course that proved to be a challenge for everyone, not so much because of its difficulty but rather because of the fact that the layout was quite confusing. Art Perron and Stu McDowall got totally lost during their round and this took Art out of the competition as he was unable to hand in a completed score card. He also got into a diplomatic spat with a number of French nationals as after holing out on hole #7 his foursome proceeded to hit off on the tee immediately adjacent to the green. This was however the 13th hole and the foursome ended up in the middle of a competition. This sent the group that came up behind into a dither and demanded that Art and the others get off the course. Only his diplomatic skills in the French vernacular quietened the aroused Frenchmen. But from then on the Canadians back swings were interrupted with yells of “olla”, “maudit” and “depechez”, and other expletives too rude to write. At the end of the third day Tom Tait had a commanding lead over his competition, or they who were left.
That evening we enjoyed a truly remarkable meal at the 3 star restaurant, Le Bardet in Tours. Eighteen of us showed up in casual clothes and the snooty waiters obviously looked down their noses as the other patrons were in business attire. A couple of us were either tired or out of sorts so gave what they knew would be a rich meal a pass. The fact that we had made reservations for 24 upset the owner to no end but Art Perron in his inimitable style was able to calm the waters. However, we more than made up for the six missing persons. Spread into two tables of nine, we ordered a couple of bottles of wine at one table to be told by the waiter that that was probably too much, thinking that as we had ordered the least expensive meals each, we would not be doing much drinking. Well that night Le Bardet learned that Canadians can drink. We had two magnums of champagne, courtesy of Charlie Kim, who was celebrating his birthday that day, 12 bottles of wine and six of water. When we left, the departure was somewhat warmer than the arrival, but only slightly.
The ensuing two rounds were played on wonderful, idyllic courses set in the French countryside near Amboise and Cheveney. Each was a good test. Amboise was the site of two firsts in our annual get-togethers. Stu McDowall, playing on the fifthteenth hole, a par three, pulled his tee shot and hit not one but two people waiting on the 16th tee box, Steve Kaufmann and Millie Conradi (wife of Axel). Neither was terribly hurt but Stu’s pride has been has been forever destroyed. On the “good news” side of the equation, John Bell fired an incredible 6 under par net to take the daily payout of 60 Euros for the very first time. Since joining the TC Invitational three years ago his game has continually improved as his knees have been repaired so that he can walk the course. Now if we can only get him to walk a little faster….
During our time on the golf course, the spouses continued to tour the sites in the region and also spent an afternoon at an exclusive cooking school where they learned some of the secrets of French cooking. We are all looking forward to getting home to see what they have learned.
In the end, despite slipping on the final day, Tom Tait’s (Sandra) lead proved insurmountable and he was awarded Mike’s Mug, thus keeping the trophy in Alberta for the second year. In second place was Roger Blake (Leena) and in third was Bob Fairweather (Kazue). Others who participated in this year’s event were: Bill Clarke (Elly), Milan Stolarik, Mike Berry (Anna), John Bell, Stu McDowall (Irene), Steve Kaufmann (Carmen), Axel Conradi (Millie), and Art Perron (Nicole). Rounding out our group were some friends, Don and Lois Martin and Charles and Jura Kim. It proved to be a magical week. The consensus was that we should return to an all men format for next year and it was thought that the Niagara Peninsula would be the ideal locale. The suggestion was that we hold the 2008 event in early June and it is hoped that many of our colleagues and friends will be able to participate in the search for Mike’s Mug.
Bob Fairweather
Addendum1, by Axel Conradi
Dear John,
I thoroughly enjoyed Bob Fairweather's largely accurate report of events in the Loire Valley. I do however feel complelled to set the record straight on one detail. There is no denying that Stu MacDowell hit Steve Kaufmann with his tee shot as evidenced by Kaufmann's convincing periodic transformation into a creature resembling the hunchback of Notre Dame. From subsequent utterings by The Linguist, I understand a law suit is in the offing the outcome of which may very well hinge on the abilities of the disputing parties to exaggerate. Now that will be a competition !
The first exageration goes to Steve Kaufmann who informed the insufficiently apologetic MacDowell that he had also struck my wife Millie. Millie denies this and is willing to so testify but only if proceedings are launched at the scene of the crime and her expenses to, from and in Orleans are fully covered. She certainly knows where to get a good expensive meal while there.
Axel
Addendum2, by John Bell
John,
Could you be so kind as to put another p.s. to Bob Fairweather’s brilliant essay on the TC’s golfing in France,
“I categorically deny that I was hit by a golf ball that Stuart McDowall hit on the hole before the one that Steve Kaufmann and possibly Millie Conradi were struck by a wayward ball, probably by the aggressive French players “en competition”. I was walking back from the hole to get my clubs and move onto the next one when I heard , I think, our leader quietly encouraging “ JOHN …HURRY UP” when I ball flashed by me, about 5 inches in front of me., about equidistant between my knees and my chest. I looked ahead and saw Stuart with that pleased look he occasionally has. Could Stuart have almost hit me, Absolutely not, why Stuart and I had just co-starred in the buddy movie “Road to Abidjan” And Stuart knows that I have a quite new knee and certainly do not need any new body parts, especially a part equidistant between my knees and my chest. I guess I will never now who hit that wayward ball 4 inches from me, but I have learned one thing in France, either I have to speed up or everyone else has to slow down on the course.
John Bell
Addendum3, by Stuart McDowell
John; I paid good "hush money" to have the law suit dropped, and now it is
in the public domain again. My defence will be to plead ignorance and
incompetence, and if I need to appeal, I will try insanity!! Cheers!
Stuart.
Comment, by Jim Elliott
Great to read of the French Golfing Expedition's contribution to Franco-Canadian relations. Our tendency to "dress down" on the road seems general. In Portugal, Joan Anne and I were helped into the Welfare Office in Oporto on our way to a Metro station. I am not sure whether the short-coming wqas linguistic or merely sartorial. - Jim
Loire Valley, France
This year, 13 golfers and 11 spouses went to the Loire Valley for a week of great golf, relaxed sightseeing and fine dining. Most participants gathered on Wednesday September 19, 2007 in Paris at the Great Canadian Pub, which is owned by Mark Berry, the son of Mike Berry. It is located on the Left Bank quite near to Notre Dame. From there, fortified with a case of genuine Moose Head Lager, we headed off by limousine bus for the Loire Valley. John Bell and Stu McDowall were not able to join us from the outset, as they had to attend to a summons from the President of the Ivory Coast to receive the Sacred Order of the Rampaging White Elephant for service to the Republic. Stu and John are Honorary Consuls for the Ivory Coast in Calgary and Vancouver respectively. This meant that Stu was not in a position to defend his title as last year’s winner of the Vancouver Island round.
The first two days we stayed at France’s most famous and most difficult course, Les Bordes. Situated in the pine forest south of the city of Orleans, it is 18 holes of sheer terror with a slope of 155. Water everywhere to instill fear in golfers of every skill level. Even before we started, the constant refrain was “I just hope I have enough balls to see me through these two rounds”. However, with a bit of course management the opening round did not prove all that difficult. Art Perron shot a scintillating 84 the first day even though he was recovering from a cold and jet lag. In doing so he took the early lead in the fight for Mike’s Mug and was the early odds-on favourite to carry the trophy back to Ottawa. The weather was spectacularly fine, the course truly magnificent, and the greens lightning fast.
The spouses spent the day touring Orleans, the home of Jean d'Arc, and visited nearby Chateaux. The accommodation at Les Bordes was individual cabins set among the trees. The nights were dark and the air crisp so everyone got a good night’s sleep until a herd of deer wandered through the grounds rooting and bellowing as the bucks challenged each other. Everyone thought it was only Bill Clarke snoring. That night we had a wonderful meal in the club house where we relaxed and unwound over some fine French wines and apocryphal stories.
The second round was also played at Les Bordes under clear skies. Far fewer balls were lost during this round and the scores on the whole improved over the previous day. Leaping to the top of the leader board was Tom Tait with a fine round of net 73. Obviously the lessons he had taken were paying dividends. He was closely pursued by Art Perron and Roger Blake. After golf, we boarded the bus for a tour of Chambord Castle, built by Francois I as a hunting lodge, which, after completion, he only used a total of 73 days.
Our next hotel was the Chateau Sept Tours which is set in the middle of a golf course that proved to be a challenge for everyone, not so much because of its difficulty but rather because of the fact that the layout was quite confusing. Art Perron and Stu McDowall got totally lost during their round and this took Art out of the competition as he was unable to hand in a completed score card. He also got into a diplomatic spat with a number of French nationals as after holing out on hole #7 his foursome proceeded to hit off on the tee immediately adjacent to the green. This was however the 13th hole and the foursome ended up in the middle of a competition. This sent the group that came up behind into a dither and demanded that Art and the others get off the course. Only his diplomatic skills in the French vernacular quietened the aroused Frenchmen. But from then on the Canadians back swings were interrupted with yells of “olla”, “maudit” and “depechez”, and other expletives too rude to write. At the end of the third day Tom Tait had a commanding lead over his competition, or they who were left.
That evening we enjoyed a truly remarkable meal at the 3 star restaurant, Le Bardet in Tours. Eighteen of us showed up in casual clothes and the snooty waiters obviously looked down their noses as the other patrons were in business attire. A couple of us were either tired or out of sorts so gave what they knew would be a rich meal a pass. The fact that we had made reservations for 24 upset the owner to no end but Art Perron in his inimitable style was able to calm the waters. However, we more than made up for the six missing persons. Spread into two tables of nine, we ordered a couple of bottles of wine at one table to be told by the waiter that that was probably too much, thinking that as we had ordered the least expensive meals each, we would not be doing much drinking. Well that night Le Bardet learned that Canadians can drink. We had two magnums of champagne, courtesy of Charlie Kim, who was celebrating his birthday that day, 12 bottles of wine and six of water. When we left, the departure was somewhat warmer than the arrival, but only slightly.
The ensuing two rounds were played on wonderful, idyllic courses set in the French countryside near Amboise and Cheveney. Each was a good test. Amboise was the site of two firsts in our annual get-togethers. Stu McDowall, playing on the fifthteenth hole, a par three, pulled his tee shot and hit not one but two people waiting on the 16th tee box, Steve Kaufmann and Millie Conradi (wife of Axel). Neither was terribly hurt but Stu’s pride has been has been forever destroyed. On the “good news” side of the equation, John Bell fired an incredible 6 under par net to take the daily payout of 60 Euros for the very first time. Since joining the TC Invitational three years ago his game has continually improved as his knees have been repaired so that he can walk the course. Now if we can only get him to walk a little faster….
During our time on the golf course, the spouses continued to tour the sites in the region and also spent an afternoon at an exclusive cooking school where they learned some of the secrets of French cooking. We are all looking forward to getting home to see what they have learned.
In the end, despite slipping on the final day, Tom Tait’s (Sandra) lead proved insurmountable and he was awarded Mike’s Mug, thus keeping the trophy in Alberta for the second year. In second place was Roger Blake (Leena) and in third was Bob Fairweather (Kazue). Others who participated in this year’s event were: Bill Clarke (Elly), Milan Stolarik, Mike Berry (Anna), John Bell, Stu McDowall (Irene), Steve Kaufmann (Carmen), Axel Conradi (Millie), and Art Perron (Nicole). Rounding out our group were some friends, Don and Lois Martin and Charles and Jura Kim. It proved to be a magical week. The consensus was that we should return to an all men format for next year and it was thought that the Niagara Peninsula would be the ideal locale. The suggestion was that we hold the 2008 event in early June and it is hoped that many of our colleagues and friends will be able to participate in the search for Mike’s Mug.
Bob Fairweather
Addendum1, by Axel Conradi
Dear John,
I thoroughly enjoyed Bob Fairweather's largely accurate report of events in the Loire Valley. I do however feel complelled to set the record straight on one detail. There is no denying that Stu MacDowell hit Steve Kaufmann with his tee shot as evidenced by Kaufmann's convincing periodic transformation into a creature resembling the hunchback of Notre Dame. From subsequent utterings by The Linguist, I understand a law suit is in the offing the outcome of which may very well hinge on the abilities of the disputing parties to exaggerate. Now that will be a competition !
The first exageration goes to Steve Kaufmann who informed the insufficiently apologetic MacDowell that he had also struck my wife Millie. Millie denies this and is willing to so testify but only if proceedings are launched at the scene of the crime and her expenses to, from and in Orleans are fully covered. She certainly knows where to get a good expensive meal while there.
Axel
Addendum2, by John Bell
John,
Could you be so kind as to put another p.s. to Bob Fairweather’s brilliant essay on the TC’s golfing in France,
“I categorically deny that I was hit by a golf ball that Stuart McDowall hit on the hole before the one that Steve Kaufmann and possibly Millie Conradi were struck by a wayward ball, probably by the aggressive French players “en competition”. I was walking back from the hole to get my clubs and move onto the next one when I heard , I think, our leader quietly encouraging “ JOHN …HURRY UP” when I ball flashed by me, about 5 inches in front of me., about equidistant between my knees and my chest. I looked ahead and saw Stuart with that pleased look he occasionally has. Could Stuart have almost hit me, Absolutely not, why Stuart and I had just co-starred in the buddy movie “Road to Abidjan” And Stuart knows that I have a quite new knee and certainly do not need any new body parts, especially a part equidistant between my knees and my chest. I guess I will never now who hit that wayward ball 4 inches from me, but I have learned one thing in France, either I have to speed up or everyone else has to slow down on the course.
John Bell
Addendum3, by Stuart McDowell
John; I paid good "hush money" to have the law suit dropped, and now it is
in the public domain again. My defence will be to plead ignorance and
incompetence, and if I need to appeal, I will try insanity!! Cheers!
Stuart.
Comment, by Jim Elliott
Great to read of the French Golfing Expedition's contribution to Franco-Canadian relations. Our tendency to "dress down" on the road seems general. In Portugal, Joan Anne and I were helped into the Welfare Office in Oporto on our way to a Metro station. I am not sure whether the short-coming wqas linguistic or merely sartorial. - Jim
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